Hello! It’s been a while! I’ve been enjoying writing in my journal, just for me :), but sometimes things have to be shared, because I know how much many of you appreciate my raw honesty. I won’t be back regularly. I have no idea how often I’ll write. Just going to take it one post at a time.

I recently got a new car- an electric one! Well, not completely new. It had a previous owner, but it’s new to me. It took a few days but I figured out the ideal way to charge it eventually. Last night though, I plugged the charger into the wall, I plugged the other end into my car, but I forgot to plug the two parts together (slaps forehead!). So when I got in the car this morning I had only 15% battery instead of 100%, and had to drive close to an hour. Work is 40-45 minutes away and typically uses 18% so I thought maybe I could make it if I just made a quick stop along the way for a few extra % of charge. I was about 5 minutes early so I thought it would work out. Alas, it dropped lower than I expected, the fastest it ever has actually, because it was the coldest day I’ve driven this car, so I didn’t make it. I did do my meeting over zoom instead of in-person which worked fine though, so no harm done, but lesson learned. From now on, I will make sure I know the car is charging before moving on to other things.

Now onto the real lessons. The life ones! I had the most amazing counseling session last Wednesday and have felt this incredibly strong sense of relief ever since. This is going to sound ridiculous to some of you because it’s kind of like how could I not have understood it all along. To me though, it has all of a sudden made things that used to confound me make all the sense in the world. It explains thoughts and feelings I’ve had my entire adult life but could never wrap my head around. It feels like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Imagine if the worst things you thought about yourself were also things that you felt you had no right to feel. And knowing that because you had no right to feel those things, that you should be able to easily make them disappear, and then when you couldn’t feeling like a huge failure. Imagine that weight. Because often, how do we fix something if we don’t really know exactly what is broken? I had been in therapy for years and years, and while I did make some progress off and on, nothing that really stuck. This though, knowing this broken part of me means we can work on fixing the right part. I am so excited for future sessions. I’ve already been feeling for the past year and a half or so better than I had for about 16 years before that. But this is going to catapult that good feeling even farther!!

Haha, I didn’t mean to write that much before telling you all what it is that I actually learned, but I guess I had a lot to say leading into it. Therefore I will leave this post here for today so you don’t have to read a huge long thing like some of my other posts, and I’ll pop back on tomorrow to let you know the real thing! Until then ❤