I’m getting so good at not staying down, and the downs don’t really go all that far down. Just normal down. Part of me thinks that if I get even a tiny bit sad or upset or frustrated or discouraged that I won’t get my kids back. I know that doesn’t make any sense but it is hard to think otherwise. We are all just so ready to get back to normal that I just want to do everything I possibly can to make that happen. Emotions can’t be controlled though, not really, so I have to just let them come and go as they will. It is unfair to hold myself to a higher standard than what is expected and acceptable for others. “Normal” people have good and bad days and are allowed to have them. My bad days shouldn’t make it so I don’t get my kids back. So I am trying to be ok with having them. And actually, I say all that but I’m not really referring to today, just generally. Today wasn’t a bad day at all. It was actually a really, really great day, until the last quarter of it. I got some really bad news around 4:45-5:00. This news would have crushed me 10 months ago. But now I just take it in stride. I don’t expect bad things to happen and I never want to, but when I can just roll with things as they come, they are so much easier to move on from. This next thing I’m going to say feels so much like something the old me would say, the real me, and that feels good. There isn’t anything that feeling badly about something will do for me or for the situation so there isn’t any point in feeling that way. Obviously sometimes that is easier said than done but I’m just so happy that I seem to be getting so much better at continuing to look forward even in the face of hard times.

Anyway, on to today’s topics. Yay for getting caught up. I’m tired though so I’m not going to write much. How did the awareness of the movement of sitting and standing go for you today? I only remembered a couple times. Probably 5-6 times I thought, oh yeah, I was going to try to notice the act of sitting down, but by that point I was already sitting, so I told myself I would pay attention when I went to stand up. But then I would forget that too, haha. But I think even remembering that I was going to do it is good because it brought me to the present and I was able to experience what I was feeling with my body in the chair or on the ground or in the seat of the car- what my back was touching, what the seat felt like underneath me, how my legs were positioned, what my posture was in the rest of my body. I really like that practice. It’s so simple. I think I’m going to try again tomorrow.

And now, on to Tuesday. This was a hard one to come up with. I couldn’t think of very many T adjectives that would work as a way to go about my day. There is terrific or tremendous, of course, but that’s not really specific enough. What would I do on terrific Tuesday? Just super fun things all day long? Probably a little unrealistic. Then there is also terrible Tuesday, but that’s a definite no. My other thoughts were tiny Tuesday, but I’m not even sure what that means, haha, or together tuesday- I liked that one but it wouldn’t always be possible to be with people on a tuesday. I almost went with Tired Tuesday and was going to allow that to be the day that I could complain about things in my life. But I really don’t want to just complain all the time. So I kept thinking, and I LOVE what I came up with. Maybe it isn’t the best name but it’s the idea that matters, right? So, introducing, Tuesday Time. On Tuesday, it will be a priority that I do something for myself. Especially in the past few months with every day consumed with almost nothing besides work, my kids, or fixing the house as much as possible, there was no time at all to do anything for me. I often have such good intentions but then I decide other things are more important, which I know is absolutely not true. Today I let myself sleep in until 7:45, got up, took a shower, got dressed, ate breakfast, and headed off to a 9:00 appointment. I had thought the appointment was tomorrow but I got a reminder phone call yesterday so off I went today. But when I got there I discovered it actually is tomorrow. Good thing it’s only 3.5 minutes from my house! No idea why they called two days ahead instead of one like they usually do. But anyway, it was like getting extra time added to my day! An hour and a half of it! So I went back home, made and enjoyed a cup of coffee, which I drank while I read a little bit and looked out at the rain. It was so relaxing. I then did some paperwork and made a bunch of phone calls but instead of keeping going until finally needing to stop to eat or rush out, I stopped early, did a short yoga stretch video and then enjoyed my lunch without distraction, except a kitty in my lap and another at my feet :). Let me tell you, that’s the way to live! So, Tuesday Time. Do it! You’ll thank me and yourself that you did!

Moving on. Wednesday is…. Wondrous Wednesday! This was another tricky one to come up with. I really liked Wishful Wednesday and was going to describe different hopes and dreams, but I really wanted to have a day for gratefulness. I know that’s a pretty well-known practice but there is nothing wrong with an oldie but goodie. So I found another place that hopes and dreams can fit and am calling Wednesday Wondrous Wednesday because to me gratefulness can be synonymous in some ways with wonder over the amazing world we live in. Or maybe not, but I’m calling it that anyway. I think finding 3 things to be grateful for from your day or your life is pretty standard so we’ll stick with that. Here are mine. 1. I am grateful for the opportunity to explore new ways of living- new career, new place to live, new ideas, new people, new experiences and new chances for self-exploration, improvement and understanding. 2. I am incredibly grateful for my darling kitty Olive being back with me. She was missing for a week so I contacted an animal communicator. Some of you will look down on that but if you witnessed what happened, I don’t think you would anymore. The woman said she would reach out to Olive to see what she had to say. Olive told her that one of the other cats she was living with told her she couldn’t live there anymore and she was confused because I had said she could stay. But this cat tortured her, even coming into my room in the middle of the night just to attack her. I had told the woman that coming back to the house Olive used to live at was a possibility so she mentioned that to Olive and said Olive got really excited and said she would like to do that. Olive told the woman that she would be by the building with plywood leaning against it by a bush the next morning. There is a workshop (a little larger than a regular garage) on the property and I went out to wait there for her between 9:30 and 10:00 the next morning. I was worried that I was too late and eventually went in so I could get ready for work. The woman contacted Olive again who said she had chickened out but would come find me that night. As I drove to that house that night, Olive ran right across the road in front of my car! I parked and got out and she let me go right up to her and pet her and pick her up. She had told the woman that she was really hungry and luckily I had just picked up a new bag of cat food so I opened it for her and she gobbled it down. I then brought her back to her old house, as I had promised, and she slept with me all night. She had previously stopped eating and had lost a lot of weight, then spent a week in the woods and was covered in ticks and scabs and not in good shape. She had told the woman she would show she was thankful to me for bringing her back here and the next morning she came and sat in my lap for a good half hour which she had never done before, not a single time. Since coming back here she has filled out, her coat is shiny, she carries her tail high, and is so, so affectionate, the complete opposite of who she was before. I am so amazed by the transformation and by how accurate the woman who spoke with her was. So, a long explanation to say that I am so grateful for my sweet cat who I love so dearly. And 3. I have to include this one- I am grateful for my mental HEALTH. It is no longer my mental illness! What is better than the ability to be grateful for my health and myself? Off to bed. Sweet dreams, everyone. Here’s sweet Olive 🙂