Today was a day that felt like the epitome of summer. We got an invitation to spend the day at the lake house of an acquaintance. I use that term rather than friend because while she seems to like me most of the time, she is sometimes difficult to maintain a close relationship with without feeling like I’m doing something wrong or not living up to her expectations. I was my typical harried self this morning as I packed to go and fought with myself against trying to come up with an excuse to get out of going. Any and all social invitations seem to cause me many moments of internal grief over whether I will actually be able to go or not. But I was pleasantly surprised today. Her cabin is adorable and in the most amazing spot on one end of Lake Skatutakee (spelling?). The water glistens, the wind lightly breezes in through the open windows on the porch, and there is plenty of surrounding woods so it provides her own private spot. We swam and splashed and played in the water multiple times today, we went out in a fun little Paddle boat, we sat near the water and ate a leisurely lunch together and we biked all the way around the lake, stopping to pick blueberries along the way. My kids had a blast and can’t wait to go back. And I admit that I had moments of fun too. There were also moments of internal quiet where I had to fight to stay present and work to act as if I were enjoying myself, but there were also genuinely fun times where I didn’t have to pretend at all. What a relief! Eventually it started to get late and we had to head home to make dinner. We ate dinner on the deck and finished the meal with ice cream cones. Then the kids played in the yard and on the swing set as I watched from above. The whole day felt like exactly the summer I want to provide for my kids. A day I hope they’ll remember. Now they’ll have to get ready for bed. I’ll say goodnight and turn on their fans because it’s hot tonight. I wonder if they’ll fall asleep easily. I remember rolling around on a hot bed with no fan feeling too sweaty and uncomfortable to drift off. I hope the busy day makes it so they sleep well.

Today was such an enjoyable day that it has me thinking about the things we do for our own pleasure. It used to be that I treasured and looked forward to my alone time. Now I find myself wanting to spend all my free time with others (until plans are actually made, because then I get nervous). It’s interesting to me how things have changed. I really would like to be more comfortable with myself, so that I can enjoy my alone time a bit more again. At the same time I’d really like to spend more time with other people, so I can work on feeling comfortable around others too. So if anyone wants to get together this summer, with or without kids, just let me know and we’ll make it happen.

P.S. If you dip your popsicle in your wine and then lick it off it’s really good. Enjoy!