Wrote the last post. Listened to a song that made me cry. Got in the shower. Didn’t even have the strength for that. Just sat on the floor until the water turned cold. Things I thought while I was down there:

Do you (you meaning people reading this) like yourself? Do you see value in your being in the world and around the people who are part of your life?

How do I find the strength to get myself better? I can hardly take a shower let alone examine my thoughts and feelings. I’m a mess. Literally, because now I haven’t even taken a proper shower.

How do you trust that people aren’t going to leave your life? Does that thought not even cross your mind or is it something you have to work at? What I want more than anything is to be liked and loved and valued.

What is wrong with me? Sure, I had a couple traumatic experiences in my life. But they should in no way define me. I should be pushing past them. It is ridiculous that I am acting the way I am, that I feel the way I do. I’ve got to get it together. But how do I do that?