My uncle passed away today. I heard he had gone into the hospital a couple days ago but didn’t assume that death was a possibility. I was planning on going down (near Boston) to see him and other family on Wednesday. I pictured a nice visit. I had things I wanted to tell him. I’ve never understood why people feel sad that they didn’t get to say goodbye. I always felt like if you have a good relationship when you’re alive, why do the last few moments matter so much? I didn’t get to say goodbye to my mom but it never really mattered to me because I knew she knew I loved her and I knew she loved me and we had so many great times together and a close relationship. But today I felt like I missed out on things with my Uncle John. He was a wonderful uncle, my dad’s older brother. He was known as the Tickle Monster and I was the Tickle Fish when I was a kid, he was always full of great advice (well into my adult years), and I know would have been there for me no matter what. He used to take James and I to Red Sox games every summer and I have such fond memories of them. One of the things I wanted to tell him was that I just took Julian to his first one this past weekend and we had so much fun. I wanted to thank him for those experiences. I also wanted to tell stories about Julian’s best friend Samuel, who is a stuffed arctic fox. John gave a donation to the World Wildlife Fund in Julian’s name last Christmas and in return Julian got to “adopt” his fox, who he named Samuel. In Calvin and Hobbes style he has become his best friend and they go everywhere and do everything together. Samuel is currently taking a bath in the washing machine and I have strict instructions to place him in Julian’s bed once he’s dry. John had no way of knowing just how loved his gift would be but I wanted to share it with him.

His death, and the fact that I felt like I didn’t get all the time with him that I wanted made me realize how important relationships are. You’d think it would have been my impending divorce and the fact that it was my inability to connect that seemed to drive Jon away that would make me come to that realization but instead it just makes me mad. I’ve known for quite some time that building stronger relationships is something that I need to work on. But not knowing how to go about it and knowing that I’m not very good at it made me not put a whole lot of effort into it, assuming nothing good would come of any attempts I made. But I guess I might as well give it a try. Maybe I’ll prove myself wrong.