Monday, August 5, 2019
Hi, I’m Ginger. I’m attempting to navigate a world of so much self-loathing, feelings of helplessness, depression, inadequacy, social ineptitude, occasional non-productive moments, self-critical tendencies and extreme emotions. I have been dealing with these things for most of my life but recently became aware of my ability to affect and possibly change them and have been working hard ever since. Because I don’t have many close friends (or anyone I think really wants to listen to this stuff), I’ve been posting on Facebook. It has been a huge success for me to realize how many people are out there willing to support me, and a surprise at the number of people who have gone through something similar. People I would never expect have reached out to me to share their stories or to say that they really appreciate how brave or strong I’ve been for sharing or how my ideas and story made them want to try to work harder to overcome their own struggles. I’m proud of the work I’ve done and the progress I’ve made, and proud to have influenced others to better their lives.
About 9 months ago my husband left me. This has been extremely difficult for me as I’ve been left confused and hurt. Initially he said he would always care about me, would always give me enough money. He said I was a wonderful mother, that he’d never doubted my love for our kids. But recently he has wanted to give me less and less money, and wants more and more time with the kids. We were going to attempt a divorce ourselves but I can hardly handle speaking with him anymore. He criticizes most of my decisions, and is insistent on continuing to spout out all the reasons I was so awful to be married to that made it so he had no choice but to leave. Because of the difficulty I have with even a 5 minute phone conversation with him I have decided to get a lawyer. Knowing that may put us in court one day, I have to stop posting on Facebook. I need to appear outwardly put-together, happy, healthy, sane and capable. I will really miss the support I receive from posting to Facebook but I will attempt to write here instead. Perhaps it will become a similarly beneficial outlet for me.
My goals are to help others through difficult times and to get myself to a place where I am confident, happy and feel love for myself. Fingers crossed!
Loving Me, Myself and I 
I’m proud of you, Ginger. I’m also here for you.
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Such tough times my dear. I’d love to talk about anything you’d like to bounce off one who’s been through it. The lawyer I had told me men are always trying to avoid paying a lawyer but it usually harms the children if the parents don’t get proper advice. And women are harmed by not knowing their rights. For me the best ever advice was to use a mediator to help make a plan, then have a lawyer review it and help with next steps. Saved SO much hurt (and money too).
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My heart goes out to you, Ginger. Stay strong and you will get through this. Sadly, marriages don’t last forever and a toxic marriage isn’t good for anyone. I hope all turns out well for you and you can move on to better times ahead.
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I’m so sorry you’re having such a difficult time. Take good care of yourself. That will help you stay strong and centered as you go through the process. Things will get better. ❤
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Thank you. Things are definitely looking up from when I wrote that post. It’s good to see the improvement I’ve made. Sometimes it feels like I have so far to go but I’ve also chime so far.
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And who really would want to be married to someone who doesn’t want the same? You deserve to be loved and cherished. I’m glad things are looking up! They’ll get better and better.
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